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303.953.8620
we@pockitudes.com


P.O. Box 19551

Asheville, NC 28815-1551
USA

A Pockitude™ is a gratitude recorded in a pocket-sized journal. It’s choosing to focus on the better things, the things that remind you why it’s great to be alive. We all need consistent reminders of the good things, and writing them down as you see them is a great tool in your arsenal. The Pockitudes™ journal fits in your pockets and purses, so you can record your gratitudes as they come to you.

With a quick jot, you get a monumental shift on your outlook in life. We encourage you to write your gratitudes for just two weeks. See for yourself the benefits. See for yourself the change in your attitude. See for yourself how you will begin to discover the good in things, people, and places.

Join the happiness movement.

 

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A Pockitude™ is a gratitude recorded in a pocket-sized journal. It’s choosing to focus on the better things, the things that remind you why it’s great to be alive. See for yourself the change in your attitude, and how you will begin to discover the good in things, people, and places. With a quick jot, you get a shift in your attitude. 

Filtering by Tag: gratitude

The 6 Lifelong Practices of a Human

Frederic Terral

pockitudes-gratitude-journal-human

TRUTH is a lifelong practice. We are all broken in some way. When we really see it, and can sit with it, then we can begin to heal.

HEALING is a lifelong practice. No quick fixes. It doesn’t matter what ails us, or where it began, a wound is a wound, it all hurts, and it can show up anywhere at anytime. And healing doesn’t mean curing. Sometimes healing means acceptance and forgiveness.

GRIEF is a lifelong practice. Grief is promised to us from the moment we were born. Many of us carry it and don’t even realize it. If you are sad, you are grieving, if you are angry, you are grieving, if you are numbing with alcohol, drugs, sex, tv, games, gambling, etc., you might be avoiding grief. See Healing.

FORGIVENESS is a lifelong practice. Forgiveness heals. I once heard this wise woman say “In order for forgiveness to happen, something else needs to die.”  Expectation. Old stories that no longer serve. What we think we deserve. When we replace how we think something or someone should be, with how it actually is, knowing we can’t control it, change it, fix it, then we can begin to forgive. See Healing. Then see Love.

JUDGEMENT is a lifelong practice. Judgement is poison. We learn it from our environment and the people around us, and it happens rampantly Every. Single. Day. To stop judging is a lifelong practice and it begins with us. Stop judging our bodies, imperfections, aging. Stop judging our past or present, stop judging our children, stop judging our partners, parents, stop judging the person in the car next to you. No one wins when we give in to judgement. Catch yourself, stop yourself. Judgement is a dirty band-aid for ego that never sticks. See Forgiveness.

LOVE is a lifelong practice. We are creators, carriers and vessels of love. We are meant to hold and keep love for ourselves, give what we create, as well as receive love from others. Love is a superpower and requires energetic balance. If we constantly give all of our love to others, without keeping any for ourselves, our vessel becomes empty, tired, and resentful, and the imbalance eventually becomes harmful. If the love we need is only taken from others, if we are dependent and expectant of others to fill that void in our vessel, we become vampires, exhausting the ones around us, which is also harmful. Finding balance in love is a lifelong practice, not meant to be easy, not meant to be painless and quick. We don’t know balance until we lose it. But with love, we can recover. With love, we can find truth, healing, forgiveness, and let go of judgement.

And with all of these things, WE CAN DO HUMAN.

REMEMBER

Frederic Terral

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We are so imperfect, still just kids really, making mistakes which leave us scratching our heads thinking....haven’t we been here before? Somewhere along the line we were sold an idea that happiness can be measured in milestones, money, accomplishments and accolades. For authentic happiness, there is no such thing. Such things can bring entitlement, such things can bring expectation, harsh self judgement--and hence harsh judgement of others. Such things can give the illusion of control and such things can bring the word “deserve” into play.

And so, we have since crumpled up that idea knowing that we are promised nothing. We began to ask, what is our true purpose and work then? What makes us feel alive? We work hard, we try our best, we breathe in life and exhale experience. True, unfettered aliveness, laced with wildness in its most vibrant and ecstatic sense, cannot exist without the challenges of loss and setbacks.

From moment to moment, we seek grace, we honor intention, we live with love, knowing we are going to screw up again at any minute, only to score big the next. We do the best we can. We just have to remember, we all are doing the best we can. Pockitudes was born out of this need to remember. We forget so easily, we have limited memory, we have limited time.

We just have to remember to be kind. We just have to remember that relationships, nature, experiences, and the tiniest victories, serve to bring us closer to our truest, most soulful, grateful selves. Gratitude keeps us going. Gratitude keeps us remembering. Gratitude keeps us kind, patient, present. Gratitude keeps us doing the very best we can.

The Beauty of Gray

Frederic Terral

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What’s your favorite color? Do you ever say gray? Most people choose blue, or green, and according to this article, color choices can be influenced by age and gender, too. Funny enough, gray isn’t even referenced in that article, so there you go. For many, gray is for energy-less, lackluster days. Gray is for grief, surrounded by “meh”, blasé, gloomy, or indifference. But what if I told you gray can hold and create space for goodness and gratitude?

They way I see it, gray is the perfect blend of black and white, and the result of letting go of absolutes, certainties, and defining stories. Gray is for the gray matter in our beautiful brain that holds so many gifts, mysteries, and abilities. Gray is for getting older, acquiring wisdom, patience, steadiness and elderhood. Gray is for acceptance, allowing for co-existence with the hard things, the shadowy things.

We are made of light and of dark, and seeing the beauty of gray just means that all things are impermanent, that this too shall pass, that we are exactly where we need to be, and that we cannot do any of this wrong.

5 TellTale Signs of Inauthenticity

Frederic Terral

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Our practice of inauthenticity began when we were children. We learned from adults, teachers, parents to behave a certain way at certain times, many times despite how we truly feel, or else be punished and shamed. In adolescence, we did what we could to fit in and find belonging. We may have even done things we were certainly not proud of. Even now,  years and experiences later, we all shape-shift and deviate from our most authentic selves. Many of us may still not even know who our most authentic selves are, let alone recognize when we try so hard to be something we are not. Some lives seem so perfect on the outside, but are falling apart from within. In the age of social media, it is SO easy to be inauthentic, SO easy to put on a face that truly doesn't belong to us, and why? Mostly because we cannot accept our true selves, what our life is really like, and who we really are. 

Authenticity equates to the ability to be vulnerable, real, raw and open. Can we be authentic all the time? Maybe not, but we at least we can be mindful of when we aren't and why. I believe myself to be authentic, but I realize there are many opportunities when I give in to inauthenticity. There are patterns that creep up, usually driven by fear and insecurity, and one small decision to protect myself turns into a new mask. We have to learn one way or another through our mistakes, through our anger, inauthenticity and regrets. But this only works if we can recognize when we are being inauthentic. Then we can name it, and really see what’s causing us stress, and what's causing us to compromise our own values to be something we are not. 

5 Telltale Signs of Inauthenticity:

  1. Anger. Resentment. Irritability. Judgment of self or others. Are you carrying any of these? Does it exist beneath your skin while you put on a happy face wherever you go and tell people you are “fine”? Anger is a real emotion, worthy of our attention, worthy of our time. It could take a long time to dig at the true causes of our anger, or the true cause of why we judge ourselves or others so harshly, but acknowledging it is the first step towards authenticity. The next time someone asks you how you are doing? Tell them the truth. You don’t have to tell them the whole story, but be real about where you are.

  2. Resistance or Dread. Are you resistant to doing something, seeing someone, saying something. Recognize the resistance and ask why. Are you saying “yes” when you really mean “no?” What will happen if you say “no”? Being inauthentic means forcing ourselves to do things we don’t really want to do, not to be confused with doing things we know we have to do (like working or cleaning). However, if we look a little closer, resistance to going to a job we hate is another form of inauthenticity. We all have times when we do things as a means to an end, but are you being honest about it? Are you pretending you love what you do? You don’t need to love what you do to survive, as long as you own your authentic self. This also goes with relationships. Are you hanging on to one that you know is not healthy or good for you? Why?

  3. Needing validation. Inauthenticity can point to insecurity and lacking confidence (and vice versa). We utilize people-pleasing or “flexing” to be liked, needed, noticed, or to feel worthy. Are you obsessing on Facebook or Instagram, or any other social media about how many likes you are getting or not getting? Are you waiting for someone to text you, notice you, invite you? Do you do things because you have fear of missing out (FOMO)? Are you telling people what they want to hear, or telling little white lies about yourself? When we are feeling fully present and authentic, we just don’t need to do any of these things, and we don’t care about “likes” and what people think. It doesn't mean we can't post something we feel good about, but pay attention to your intention behind it. Are you posting to boost your ego, are you posting for attention, do you feel utterly upset or depressed when you don't get the likes you want? Attachment to the outcome is a good sign we might be compromising our authenticity for ego.

  4. Can’t make decisions. If you know who you are, making decisions is easier. Indecisiveness, constantly changing your mind for fear of making the wrong decision, asking everyone else what they think...these are potential signs of struggling with authenticity. If you are clear and aware of what you like or dislike, there won’t be much hesitation, even with the tough choices. Lacking the ability to make clear decisions is a sign of not trusting ourselves, and not trusting ourselves is a good sign of inauthenticity. If you feel indecisive, ask what the fear is. Are you compromising to please someone else? If you truly can’t make up your mind about something, take a deep breath, clear your mind, and listen for the clear choice.

  5. Inability to accept what is, complaining and numbing out. Are you a complainer? Perfectionist? Consistently disappointed and dissatisfied? Chances are you might be a control freak and have much anger (see #1). If we are in a constant state of dissatisfaction, if we are constantly complaining, we are not accepting how things are, and authentic gratitude is out of reach. If we have voices telling ourselves we aren’t good enough, thin enough, smart enough, fast enough, successful enough, rich enough, kind enough, grateful enough and we just aren’t enough enough enough, chances are, we are not being authentic to who we really are.

    This kind of personal and life dissatisfaction often reveals itself in escapism, numbing out, avoidance-- we eat too much, drink too much, spend too much, we use substances, TV, our smart phones, sex, whatever to distract and avoid the raw and the real of who, what and where we really are. We then judge ourselves for these things we do and the negative cycle continues – more anger, more dissatisfaction, more resentment, more judgement. 

Authentic happiness and gratitude come with authentic acceptance. Knowing we cannot fix everything, do everything, be everything and being truly okay with all of it, including loss, grief, death, this perhaps is our toughest challenge, one that we work on daily. The closer we are to truly knowing ourselves, the better we get in finding the tools and modalities that help us achieve authenticity, acceptance, and true happiness.

CONFESSIONS & THREE TRUTHS

Frederic Terral

Confession. I don’t exercise regularly. I can curse like a truck driver. I don’t meditate, I hate to clean and I am not an inspired cook. I order Domino’s pizza, and I eat way too much chocolate every day. The truth is, I deplore the mask of perfection. DEPLORE it. Give me the real, beautifully messy and wild, out-of-the-box, spontaneous, passionately authentic person and I’ll show you someone who lives their truth, someone who’s a breath of fresh air. A person who’s not afraid to say “please forgive me but I can’t”, “I effed up”, “I don’t know”, and “I forgot”.

Truth #1: Gratitude becomes less and less effort when we are vulnerable and authentic about who we are, and accept who we are NOT.

Truth #2: Cultivating gratitude means forgiving ourselves and taking a hard look at the parts we ignore, hide, or deny, and the parts we aren't proud of. Knowing these parts can help us figure out who we want to become.

Truth #3: Living a grateful life becomes easier when judgement falls away, for ourselves and then for others. When this happens, we build resilience and soon DON'T CARE about being judged, and instead feel compassion and forgiveness for those who judge us.

 Life lessons come in small pieces, like bread crumbs spread over years, perhaps even lifetimes. Sometimes we have to relearn those pieces over and again. The bottom line is we seek truth, always. Truth in ourselves, truth in others, truth in purpose, truth in vision. When we find truth, gratitude is right there beside it, waiting to be snatched up. Always do your best, knowing that your best may never be perfect, and that's perfectly okay.

Permission

Frederic Terral

You have permission. Permission to not get it right today. Permission to not be perfect. Permission to not have all the answers. Permission to grieve, for as long as you need. You have permission to accept your whole self, even the squishy, aging parts, the parts you have not forgiven, the parts you’re afraid to acknowledge or see. You have permission to do nothing for an entire day, without guilt, without feeling like you wasted time. 

Time, our most precious gift. Time wasted is the time spent not loving ourselves, or others. Time wasted is the time we don’t pause to be kind, gentle and patient. Time wasted is the time we become blind to the abundance and grace that weaves itself into the canvas of our every day. Time screams rarity from moment to moment, saying “PAY ATTENTION! Be here.” A shared smile, a ridiculous joke, your child’s laughter, a hug between friends, a donut with sprinkles, a kindness given. You have permission to see that wasted time lives in all the permissions not given, because somewhere we believe, mistakenly, that we have all the time in the world. We don’t. Take time while you still have it. Remember the gifts time gives. Take notice. The permission is yours.

Remember

Frederic Terral

Why write gratitudes? Isn’t just saying thank you enough or “I’m grateful” enough?

Yes. And no. How many times have the words been so automatic it’s lost its meaning? How many times have we said “Yes I’m grateful” in our minds, but the full feeling of gratitude didn’t quite make it to our heart, body and soul. When we truly understand the benefits of gratitude, when we capture a moment as the best thing ever, right here right now, you can feel it ripple through your body and electrify your bones. Gratitude can easily become automation, perhaps even a chore, perhaps even resented.

Without presence, without intention, “thank you” and gratefulness is just another “right” thing to do and feel. This is why we write it down. This is why we think about the gratitude, who and what, and the big one--”why?”. Why are we grateful? And when we know why, how can we make it happen again? Write your gratitudes down. Make it last. Remember. It can change your life.

GIVING WITH GRATITUDE: TEACHING YOUR KIDS TO GIVE

Frederic Terral

When working with families, parents regularly ask me how they can teach their children to willfully get rid of stuff. This is typically followed by guilty admissions of purging toys on the sly. Out of sight, out of mind – right? Don’t worry, no judgment– we’ve ALL been there!

If anyone tells you there is a quick fix to get your kid on the giving train, they are lying. Like everything else in our lives, it’s a process, but most definitely doable.

Need some help? Keep reading.

Science-Backed Reasons To Kick-Start (Or Restart) Your Gratitude Practice ASAP

Frederic Terral

In between the delicious food, family time, and travel plans, it's important to remember what Thanksgiving is really about: Gratitude. While we may have the best of intentions, sometimes the original spirit and intention of this beautiful day slips out of focus. Only 20 percent of Americans rate gratitude as a positive, constructive emotion. For context, that number is nearly 50 percent in Europe.

Sharing your gratitude isn't simply a nice thing to do. Practicing gratitude is one of the simplest things you can do to transform your life, and there’s no better time to start than this Thanksgiving. In case you need some extra motivation, here's a rundown of five scientifically-proven benefits of practicing gratitude.

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7 Surprising Health Benefits of Gratitude

Frederic Terral

Now is the season to think about what makes you most thankful, but research supports making it a year-round habit. Many studies have found there are benefits of gratitude — both mental and physical — and all it takes to enjoy them is a little bit of introspection. Research from Northeastern University has found that people who felt grateful for little, everyday things were more patient and better able to make sensible decisions, compared to those who didn’t feel very gracious on a day-to-day basis. When 105 undergraduate students were asked to choose between receiving a small amount of money immediately or a larger sum at some point in the future, for example, the students who had shown more gratitude in earlier experiments were able to hold out for more cash.

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I skeptically tried practicing gratitude. It completely changed my life.

Frederic Terral

A few years back I worked in a university building that also housed an entire department full of psychologists, all of whom seemed to see us administrative types as perfect guinea pigs for their latest theories. I learned to be wary of answering seemingly casual questions in the elevator. If an eager graduate student showed up in my office bearing a tray of pastries and asked me to pick one, I'd cast a chary glance and ask "Why?" before grabbing the apple fritter.

So one day, when someone from the Psychology Department posted instructions in the bathroom exhorting all of us to "Think about five things for which you're grateful every day for a week!" my response was frankly suspicious. I did the math. Five things a day for seven days is a lot of brainpower to expend without so much as the promise of an apple fritter.

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What the Brain Reveals about Gratitude

Frederic Terral

Imagine you are on the run from a Nazi manhunt and are taken under the protection of a stranger. This stranger spends the winter providing you with food and shelter—even traveling to other towns to relay messages to your family members—yet has no hope or expectation of repayment from you. While your loved ones are systematically ensnared by the Nazi machine, this stranger keeps you alive and nourishes your faith in humanity, offering proof that in the midst of widespread horror, many individuals still act with unfettered compassion and dignity.

When you think about this stranger, what they risked, what you received—how would you feel?

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What if instead of ‘body love,’ you worked on ‘body gratitude?’

Frederic Terral

 44652546 - urban woman sitting on a bench of a park and breathing deep fresh air

For many people the jump from ‘body hatred’ to ‘body love’ feels overwhelming and impossible. There’s a lot of talk in the media about focusing on ‘body love.’ For those who are struggling with loving their body, it may feel like they are failing.

However, when I work with clients, I talk to them about redefining positive body image. The way that I define positive body image, is not spending so much time thinking about the appearance of your body because you are busy living your amazing life.

Even if you look in the mirror and love what you see, the reality is that our bodies will change as we age. Our bodies are not slabs of marble and they are not meant to stay the same. Thus, putting your self worth into your external appearance is a recipe for discontent.

However, one thing that can be helpful on the journey to creating a more positive body image (i.e. going from body-hate to a less body-focused life) is thinking about a sense of gratitude for body-function.

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Gratitude Is Good For The Soul And Helps The Heart, Too

Frederic Terral

As we launch into Thanksgiving week, consider this: Research shows that feeling grateful doesn't just make you feel good. It also helps — literally helps — the heart.

A positive mental attitude is good for your heart. It fends off depression, stress and anxiety, which can increase the risk of heart disease, says Paul Mills, a professor of family medicine and public health at the University of California San Diego School of Medicine. Mills specializes in disease processes and has been researching behavior and heart health for decades. He wondered if the very specific feeling of gratitude made a difference, too.

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10 Surprising Benefits You’ll Get From Keeping a Journal

Frederic Terral

When it comes to keeping a journal, stereotypes of Sweet Valley High and Napoleon Dynamite quickly come to mind; “Dear diary” is reserved for the high-school sweetheart or awkward recluse. Others see writing merely as a tool, a pragmatic means to an end, certainly without value in and of itself.

But science continues to dissolve skepticism. For those sitting on the fence, these 10 benefits of journaling will convince you to start writing.

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Gratitude is not "OMG I'm SO grateful for my BMW!"

Frederic Terral

Gratitude does not mean denying reality, sadness, grief, or loss. On the contrary, it's about acknowledging all those things. In fact, feelings of sadness and loss can often lead you to greater feelings of gratitude.

For example, contemplating how alone we appear to be in a vast universe devoid of any signs of other life might make you grateful for this precious life-sustaining blue planet. On the other hand, maybe it just makes you want to go shopping, which brings us to...

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9 Easy Ways to Get More Grateful (Ellen Seidman, TIME)

Frederic Terral

Jessica Pettway for TIME

Jessica Pettway for TIME

I felt several flashes of gratitude today, and it wasn’t even Thanksgiving or Ben & Jerry’s Free Cone Day. First my husband, Dave, got me iced coffee without my asking. Then my 8-year-old presented me with a handmade Rainbow Loom bracelet. And my new comforter felt amazingly soft and luxe when I fell into bed at night. Ahh . . .

As I grow older, I’m getting more appreciative of the people and creature comforts that make me feel loved and contented. One study estimated that for every 10 years of life, gratitude increases by 5%. And that, the research suggests, is beneficial to our bodies and minds: People who are regularly grateful—who acknowledge the goodness in life and the sources of it—are generally healthier and happier.

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How Gratitude Changes You and Your Brain

Frederic Terral

Evan Kirby/Unsplash

Evan Kirby/Unsplash

With the rise of managed health care, which emphasizes cost-efficiency and brevity, mental health professionals have had to confront this burning question: How can they help clients derive the greatest possible benefit from treatment in the shortest amount of time?

Recent evidence suggests that a promising approach is to complement psychological counseling with additional activities that are not too taxing for clients but yield high results. In our own research, we have zeroed in on one such activity: the practice of gratitude. Indeed, many studies over the past decade have found that people who consciously count their blessings tend to be happier and less depressed.

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3rd Annual Jerry Garcia Global Moment Of Gratitude.

Frederic Terral

CLAYTON CALL VIA GETTY IMAGES  Rock icon Jerry Garcia of the Grateful Dead died 22 years ago.

CLAYTON CALL VIA GETTY IMAGES

Rock icon Jerry Garcia of the Grateful Dead died 22 years ago.

Be nice. It’s what Jerry Garcia would’ve wanted. Today marks the 22nd anniversary of the Grateful Dead icon’s death, and one of his old bandmates is using the occasion to add a touch of kindness to the world. Drummer Mickey Hart posted on Facebook that he’d like people to pause at 7 p.m. ET/4 p.m. PT for the 3rd Annual Jerry Garcia Global Moment Of Gratitude. 

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