Feel free to contact us for:

  • More information or general inquiries
  • Wholesale pricing
  • Custom journals
  • "I love Pockitudes™ testimonials
  • To book Frederic Terral to speak at your event


Terrain Collective Inc
2625 28th St. #110
Boulder, CO 80301

303.953.8620
we@pockitudes.com


P.O. Box 19551

Asheville, NC 28815-1551
USA

A Pockitude™ is a gratitude recorded in a pocket-sized journal. It’s choosing to focus on the better things, the things that remind you why it’s great to be alive. We all need consistent reminders of the good things, and writing them down as you see them is a great tool in your arsenal. The Pockitudes™ journal fits in your pockets and purses, so you can record your gratitudes as they come to you.

With a quick jot, you get a monumental shift on your outlook in life. We encourage you to write your gratitudes for just two weeks. See for yourself the benefits. See for yourself the change in your attitude. See for yourself how you will begin to discover the good in things, people, and places.

Join the happiness movement.

 

gratitude journal, gratitudes journal, mindfulness, self-help, gratitude, grateful, gratitudes, pocket journal, journaling

READS

A Pockitude™ is a gratitude recorded in a pocket-sized journal. It’s choosing to focus on the better things, the things that remind you why it’s great to be alive. See for yourself the change in your attitude, and how you will begin to discover the good in things, people, and places. With a quick jot, you get a shift in your attitude. 

Filtering by Tag: anger

My Anger, My Teacher

Frederic Terral

Photo by   Alexandro David   from   Pexels

My anger, my most prolific teacher. In my mind, no other emotion exposes my hidden truth more than anger. Anger, in all its fury, is powerful enough to turn us into something we are not, clandestine enough to hide and fester in our subconscious, and intense enough to bring explosive and destructive consequences, causing more shame, regret, pain, and grief. At the same time, anger can be a driver for action and change, a protector, a boundary defender, and a portal—a key to our shadowy, inner pain and memory that we may not even realize we have.

The two faces of anger. How do I tell the difference between these two faces of anger? Consequences. Do the consequences of my anger exert aggressive power over, crush or create fear in something or someone? Does it cause shame or pain in the aftermath? Or is the consequence constructive, expressive of boundaries, strengthening resolve with reason and accountability? In this kind of anger, there is no shame, but vulnerability and growth, even healing. We have courage to speak our truth and lay out our boundary with conscious awareness of how our words fall on the other person. Can we be firm without bullying, strong without overpowering, and have conviction without the need to be right. When I finally started paying attention, and with the help of my incredible loved ones, it became very clear when my anger was more harmful than good. With awareness, cultivation, practice and a deep commitment to action, anger became a a messenger, showing me time and again which face of anger I didn’t want to be. I was pushed to get curious about my anger’s purpose, how to ask for what I needed, how to express myself without defaulting to rage, and more importantly, how to stay with the process, not run or hide from it.

The art of the PAUSE button. One of the most difficult lessons I’ve learned (and am still practicing) from anger is the art of the PAUSE button. In the heat of anger’s appearance, the moment I am triggered, the moment I feel the rage rising up from my chest to my throat and face, I MUST pause. In Jill Bolte Taylor’s book she talks about the 90 seconds it takes for the chemicals of a stress reaction to disperse through our body. This is fight or flight. You can actually feel this move through your body if you lean in close and feel. After the 90 seconds have passed, the emotions left behind like fear or anger, are something we CAN control. Hence, the pause button. The counting to 10 slowly. The three deep breaths. The short walk from wherever you are to somewhere else. No split second reaction, no words to fly out of my mouth, nothing.

The most compassionate question you can ask yourself. What do I need right now?With this one self-compassionate question, I have learned to look upon my anger with kindness, soften my eyes and know, this is not who I am, but there is something I’m missing to feel balanced and whole. Sometimes the answers to why I am angry don’t come right away. Sometimes the reasons that trigger my anger feel absolutely justified, but in that moment I know I need to shift, nurture, and take care of myself. When I take care of myself, I take care of everyone around me. In the car, that means pull over if I can, take a deep breath, say a forgiveness prayer, a gratitude prayer, the Ho'oponopono prayer or play a song that soothes. At home that means, going outside, standing in front of my altar, or sitting in stillness. In relationships, feeling triggered means naming it before going any further. Say “ I’m triggered, I need to stop and breathe, I don’t want to lose control. “ This is the hardest piece. It will take practice. It will take making mistakes. It will take patience, compassion and forgiveness.

“What other people think of you is not your business. If you start to make that business your business, you will be offended for the rest of your life.” ~Deepak Chopra

The portal to exposure. Ultimately, anger has taught me that more than anything I want to feel heard, valued, loved, cared for, and safe. Part of our healing and education is learning not everyone can give this to us. nor should they. Anger shows me that I cannot control everything or anyone, and perhaps my expectations are what need to change. Anger also reminds me that I carry more grief than I realize, and to be gentle with that grief. If anger keeps showing up, I might ask what do I need to surrender? Does forgiveness need to happen? What is really chipping away at my spirit, how do I voice what I need without causing damage, and what balm can I use to soothe and heal? These are some truths anger can reveal if we are wiling to be vulnerable enough to really look at ourselves. When we get curious about our feelings, dig under the iceberg as I’ve heard Brené Brown once describe it, this is our first step towards healing, change, and even gratitude. Here would be a good place to say that I began reading Brené Brown over five years ago, and she was integral in helping me look at my anger, and I am grateful to her and her work.

I can say with full certainty that my relationship with anger has evolved, leading me to know myself better, inviting more self care, more courage to dig deeper, more vulnerability, more self compassion, more deep breaths, more time with what soothes me, more patience, more joy and more laughter. And I am witnessing, the more I do these things for myself, the less volatile I’ve become, and the more I am able to hold and reflect the same compassion for others when they sit in their own anger.

With practice, we can re-wire our brains. We can forgive ourselves and others. Healing is not an external event. Healing is internal and will always begin with us saying “Yes, I can pause. I can pay attention, I can re-learn and I can forgive.”

by Misa Terral

5 TellTale Signs of Inauthenticity

Frederic Terral

pockitudes-gratitude-journal.jpg

Our practice of inauthenticity began when we were children. We learned from adults, teachers, parents to behave a certain way at certain times, many times despite how we truly feel, or else be punished and shamed. In adolescence, we did what we could to fit in and find belonging. We may have even done things we were certainly not proud of. Even now,  years and experiences later, we all shape-shift and deviate from our most authentic selves. Many of us may still not even know who our most authentic selves are, let alone recognize when we try so hard to be something we are not. Some lives seem so perfect on the outside, but are falling apart from within. In the age of social media, it is SO easy to be inauthentic, SO easy to put on a face that truly doesn't belong to us, and why? Mostly because we cannot accept our true selves, what our life is really like, and who we really are. 

Authenticity equates to the ability to be vulnerable, real, raw and open. Can we be authentic all the time? Maybe not, but we at least we can be mindful of when we aren't and why. I believe myself to be authentic, but I realize there are many opportunities when I give in to inauthenticity. There are patterns that creep up, usually driven by fear and insecurity, and one small decision to protect myself turns into a new mask. We have to learn one way or another through our mistakes, through our anger, inauthenticity and regrets. But this only works if we can recognize when we are being inauthentic. Then we can name it, and really see what’s causing us stress, and what's causing us to compromise our own values to be something we are not. 

5 Telltale Signs of Inauthenticity:

  1. Anger. Resentment. Irritability. Judgment of self or others. Are you carrying any of these? Does it exist beneath your skin while you put on a happy face wherever you go and tell people you are “fine”? Anger is a real emotion, worthy of our attention, worthy of our time. It could take a long time to dig at the true causes of our anger, or the true cause of why we judge ourselves or others so harshly, but acknowledging it is the first step towards authenticity. The next time someone asks you how you are doing? Tell them the truth. You don’t have to tell them the whole story, but be real about where you are.

  2. Resistance or Dread. Are you resistant to doing something, seeing someone, saying something. Recognize the resistance and ask why. Are you saying “yes” when you really mean “no?” What will happen if you say “no”? Being inauthentic means forcing ourselves to do things we don’t really want to do, not to be confused with doing things we know we have to do (like working or cleaning). However, if we look a little closer, resistance to going to a job we hate is another form of inauthenticity. We all have times when we do things as a means to an end, but are you being honest about it? Are you pretending you love what you do? You don’t need to love what you do to survive, as long as you own your authentic self. This also goes with relationships. Are you hanging on to one that you know is not healthy or good for you? Why?

  3. Needing validation. Inauthenticity can point to insecurity and lacking confidence (and vice versa). We utilize people-pleasing or “flexing” to be liked, needed, noticed, or to feel worthy. Are you obsessing on Facebook or Instagram, or any other social media about how many likes you are getting or not getting? Are you waiting for someone to text you, notice you, invite you? Do you do things because you have fear of missing out (FOMO)? Are you telling people what they want to hear, or telling little white lies about yourself? When we are feeling fully present and authentic, we just don’t need to do any of these things, and we don’t care about “likes” and what people think. It doesn't mean we can't post something we feel good about, but pay attention to your intention behind it. Are you posting to boost your ego, are you posting for attention, do you feel utterly upset or depressed when you don't get the likes you want? Attachment to the outcome is a good sign we might be compromising our authenticity for ego.

  4. Can’t make decisions. If you know who you are, making decisions is easier. Indecisiveness, constantly changing your mind for fear of making the wrong decision, asking everyone else what they think...these are potential signs of struggling with authenticity. If you are clear and aware of what you like or dislike, there won’t be much hesitation, even with the tough choices. Lacking the ability to make clear decisions is a sign of not trusting ourselves, and not trusting ourselves is a good sign of inauthenticity. If you feel indecisive, ask what the fear is. Are you compromising to please someone else? If you truly can’t make up your mind about something, take a deep breath, clear your mind, and listen for the clear choice.

  5. Inability to accept what is, complaining and numbing out. Are you a complainer? Perfectionist? Consistently disappointed and dissatisfied? Chances are you might be a control freak and have much anger (see #1). If we are in a constant state of dissatisfaction, if we are constantly complaining, we are not accepting how things are, and authentic gratitude is out of reach. If we have voices telling ourselves we aren’t good enough, thin enough, smart enough, fast enough, successful enough, rich enough, kind enough, grateful enough and we just aren’t enough enough enough, chances are, we are not being authentic to who we really are.

    This kind of personal and life dissatisfaction often reveals itself in escapism, numbing out, avoidance-- we eat too much, drink too much, spend too much, we use substances, TV, our smart phones, sex, whatever to distract and avoid the raw and the real of who, what and where we really are. We then judge ourselves for these things we do and the negative cycle continues – more anger, more dissatisfaction, more resentment, more judgement. 

Authentic happiness and gratitude come with authentic acceptance. Knowing we cannot fix everything, do everything, be everything and being truly okay with all of it, including loss, grief, death, this perhaps is our toughest challenge, one that we work on daily. The closer we are to truly knowing ourselves, the better we get in finding the tools and modalities that help us achieve authenticity, acceptance, and true happiness.