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2625 28th St. #110
Boulder, CO 80301

303.953.8620
we@pockitudes.com


P.O. Box 19551

Asheville, NC 28815-1551
USA

A Pockitude™ is a gratitude recorded in a pocket-sized journal. It’s choosing to focus on the better things, the things that remind you why it’s great to be alive. We all need consistent reminders of the good things, and writing them down as you see them is a great tool in your arsenal. The Pockitudes™ journal fits in your pockets and purses, so you can record your gratitudes as they come to you.

With a quick jot, you get a monumental shift on your outlook in life. We encourage you to write your gratitudes for just two weeks. See for yourself the benefits. See for yourself the change in your attitude. See for yourself how you will begin to discover the good in things, people, and places.

Join the happiness movement.

 

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READS

A Pockitude™ is a gratitude recorded in a pocket-sized journal. It’s choosing to focus on the better things, the things that remind you why it’s great to be alive. See for yourself the change in your attitude, and how you will begin to discover the good in things, people, and places. With a quick jot, you get a shift in your attitude. 

CONNECTION & ATTACHMENT

Frederic Terral

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BY MISA TERRAL

Connection. We crave to be seen, to belong, to have meaningful relationships with depth and mutuality. When we finally find it, we begin to understand what true acceptance and community feels like. We feel at home, we get comfortable, and then.... something shifts. We experience the laws of impermanence and feel the attachment, in all its heartache and heartbreak. It doesn’t matter how many times we’ve felt it before, we will feel it again..

We would be unrecognizable without the teachings of our past attachments. From attachment, we learn more about ourselves than maybe we were prepared for. What grows as consequence is awareness, and a wisdom that separates the conscious from the unconscious, mindfulness from distraction, and true, deep and meaningful connection wary of blind attachment. Sooner or later, hopefully we can recognize our ego and it's need to define and own, name or cling, and know that each connection is an precious gift not meant to last.

Connections are not something we possess, nor are they things that define us, not if we are truly aware and paying attention. They make us better, transform us, and then they move on. What separates connection from attachment is if we can fully give ourselves to an experience, with all our love, kindness, generosity, forgiveness and our most authentic self, without expecting anything in return. Is this hard? Very, but it is our work from the start.

Looking for Abundance

Frederic Terral

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BY MISA TERRAL

Abundance. When wishing for abundance, it's not uncommon to think it means wishing for "more" of something. More money, more time, more joy, more peace, more clarity, more love, more freedom.... We know better now, don't we?

When we embrace gratitude as a living breathing practice, it changes our life in a way we never expected. We begin to see abundance everywhere, and in everything. What we have becomes plenty, what we are becomes enough, and what surrounds us becomes a living ceremony, worth paying attention to and honoring every minute we are alive. This is true gratitude and abundance, where our hearts and souls are filled just by the air we breathe, or the people we meet, the food we eat, the rising sun, the body that carries us.

This is not white-knuckled optimism, no, this is a total, honest shift in consciousness, and it’s available to anyone. It almost sounds Disney-like and fairytale, I know, but the road to living a grateful life is not meant to be easy. Simple, yes, but not easy. It doesn’t mean we don’t get triggered, resentful or angry, or grief-stricken. We will question over and again why things happen. What is remarkable is the shift in perspective, even in the anger, because we understand fully that things don’t last. Abundance lives in knowing that nothing lasts or stays the same. This is the paradox. It’s a reconditioning of the mind, a consistent exercise in paying attention and a whole plethora of forgiveness and letting go.

So where to begin? It begins with the consistent and earnest practice of saying "thank you". Every day, to every thing. Physically and mentally pause, say it, or write it down. What moves you, right here, right now? Let it become your mantra, let it become your treasure hunt. Pay attention. Abundance surrounds you.

REMEMBER

Frederic Terral

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We are so imperfect, still just kids really, making mistakes which leave us scratching our heads thinking....haven’t we been here before? Somewhere along the line we were sold an idea that happiness can be measured in milestones, money, accomplishments and accolades. For authentic happiness, there is no such thing. Such things can bring entitlement, such things can bring expectation, harsh self judgement--and hence harsh judgement of others. Such things can give the illusion of control and such things can bring the word “deserve” into play.

And so, we have since crumpled up that idea knowing that we are promised nothing. We began to ask, what is our true purpose and work then? What makes us feel alive? We work hard, we try our best, we breathe in life and exhale experience. True, unfettered aliveness, laced with wildness in its most vibrant and ecstatic sense, cannot exist without the challenges of loss and setbacks.

From moment to moment, we seek grace, we honor intention, we live with love, knowing we are going to screw up again at any minute, only to score big the next. We do the best we can. We just have to remember, we all are doing the best we can. Pockitudes was born out of this need to remember. We forget so easily, we have limited memory, we have limited time.

We just have to remember to be kind. We just have to remember that relationships, nature, experiences, and the tiniest victories, serve to bring us closer to our truest, most soulful, grateful selves. Gratitude keeps us going. Gratitude keeps us remembering. Gratitude keeps us kind, patient, present. Gratitude keeps us doing the very best we can.

The Beauty of Gray

Frederic Terral

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What’s your favorite color? Do you ever say gray? Most people choose blue, or green, and according to this article, color choices can be influenced by age and gender, too. Funny enough, gray isn’t even referenced in that article, so there you go. For many, gray is for energy-less, lackluster days. Gray is for grief, surrounded by “meh”, blasé, gloomy, or indifference. But what if I told you gray can hold and create space for goodness and gratitude?

They way I see it, gray is the perfect blend of black and white, and the result of letting go of absolutes, certainties, and defining stories. Gray is for the gray matter in our beautiful brain that holds so many gifts, mysteries, and abilities. Gray is for getting older, acquiring wisdom, patience, steadiness and elderhood. Gray is for acceptance, allowing for co-existence with the hard things, the shadowy things.

We are made of light and of dark, and seeing the beauty of gray just means that all things are impermanent, that this too shall pass, that we are exactly where we need to be, and that we cannot do any of this wrong.

3 signs you have Shame monsters in your head

Frederic Terral

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I was 27 years old when I realized I had monsters in my head. No, I’m not schizophrenic, but I had a raging case of negative self-talk, shame, self judgement and self hatred for years. When you grow up with shame, no one tells you that it’s wrong. No one tells you that you don’t need it, not in the way it debilitates and cripples you, preventing you to become or recognize the whole and beautiful person you already are.

These self talks, now I recognize as monsters, told me that I was never enough. Not smart enough, good enough, successful, thin or pretty enough. These voices yelled at me the moment I did something wrong, saying “You idiot!! You moron! You are so fat. See how stupid you are?” These words are harsh, and they are the words I heard every single day, reinforcing the shame I felt. Shame is something we develop over time, something learned from our environment, not something we were born with or meant to carry.

If you have these kinds of voices, you have negative self talk in your head:

  1. Self Shame / Anger: “Idiot!”, “Stupid!”, ‘I’m such a <insert self deprecating word here>!”
  2. Fear: “I can’t!” “If I do this, <insert something frightening here> will happen!”
  3. Guilt: “I’m not enough”, “I’m not <insert adjective> enough”  

Recognizing these voices is important. Even more important is recognizing these voices are not our own. Voices that spew anger, hate, self-deprecation, fear, and shame are voices that serve to destroy, not build or protect.

How to fight them:

  1. Notice and recognize it
  2. Tell them to leave and get the hell out of your head!! You don’t need to listen!! (see Pockitude tip #7)
  3. Voice it, to self or someone you trust, ask is it true? Especially ones based in fear, anger or self-doubt.
  4. Repeat, repeat repeat.

Please note, negative self talk is very different from clinical signs of voices in your head. Negative self talk is something we can control, the other voices are not. Please talk to a professional immediately if you are unsure.

5 TellTale Signs of Inauthenticity

Frederic Terral

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Our practice of inauthenticity began when we were children. We learned from adults, teachers, parents to behave a certain way at certain times, many times despite how we truly feel, or else be punished and shamed. In adolescence, we did what we could to fit in and find belonging. We may have even done things we were certainly not proud of. Even now,  years and experiences later, we all shape-shift and deviate from our most authentic selves. Many of us may still not even know who our most authentic selves are, let alone recognize when we try so hard to be something we are not. Some lives seem so perfect on the outside, but are falling apart from within. In the age of social media, it is SO easy to be inauthentic, SO easy to put on a face that truly doesn't belong to us, and why? Mostly because we cannot accept our true selves, what our life is really like, and who we really are. 

Authenticity equates to the ability to be vulnerable, real, raw and open. Can we be authentic all the time? Maybe not, but we at least we can be mindful of when we aren't and why. I believe myself to be authentic, but I realize there are many opportunities when I give in to inauthenticity. There are patterns that creep up, usually driven by fear and insecurity, and one small decision to protect myself turns into a new mask. We have to learn one way or another through our mistakes, through our anger, inauthenticity and regrets. But this only works if we can recognize when we are being inauthentic. Then we can name it, and really see what’s causing us stress, and what's causing us to compromise our own values to be something we are not. 

5 Telltale Signs of Inauthenticity:

  1. Anger. Resentment. Irritability. Judgment of self or others. Are you carrying any of these? Does it exist beneath your skin while you put on a happy face wherever you go and tell people you are “fine”? Anger is a real emotion, worthy of our attention, worthy of our time. It could take a long time to dig at the true causes of our anger, or the true cause of why we judge ourselves or others so harshly, but acknowledging it is the first step towards authenticity. The next time someone asks you how you are doing? Tell them the truth. You don’t have to tell them the whole story, but be real about where you are.

  2. Resistance or Dread. Are you resistant to doing something, seeing someone, saying something. Recognize the resistance and ask why. Are you saying “yes” when you really mean “no?” What will happen if you say “no”? Being inauthentic means forcing ourselves to do things we don’t really want to do, not to be confused with doing things we know we have to do (like working or cleaning). However, if we look a little closer, resistance to going to a job we hate is another form of inauthenticity. We all have times when we do things as a means to an end, but are you being honest about it? Are you pretending you love what you do? You don’t need to love what you do to survive, as long as you own your authentic self. This also goes with relationships. Are you hanging on to one that you know is not healthy or good for you? Why?

  3. Needing validation. Inauthenticity can point to insecurity and lacking confidence (and vice versa). We utilize people-pleasing or “flexing” to be liked, needed, noticed, or to feel worthy. Are you obsessing on Facebook or Instagram, or any other social media about how many likes you are getting or not getting? Are you waiting for someone to text you, notice you, invite you? Do you do things because you have fear of missing out (FOMO)? Are you telling people what they want to hear, or telling little white lies about yourself? When we are feeling fully present and authentic, we just don’t need to do any of these things, and we don’t care about “likes” and what people think. It doesn't mean we can't post something we feel good about, but pay attention to your intention behind it. Are you posting to boost your ego, are you posting for attention, do you feel utterly upset or depressed when you don't get the likes you want? Attachment to the outcome is a good sign we might be compromising our authenticity for ego.

  4. Can’t make decisions. If you know who you are, making decisions is easier. Indecisiveness, constantly changing your mind for fear of making the wrong decision, asking everyone else what they think...these are potential signs of struggling with authenticity. If you are clear and aware of what you like or dislike, there won’t be much hesitation, even with the tough choices. Lacking the ability to make clear decisions is a sign of not trusting ourselves, and not trusting ourselves is a good sign of inauthenticity. If you feel indecisive, ask what the fear is. Are you compromising to please someone else? If you truly can’t make up your mind about something, take a deep breath, clear your mind, and listen for the clear choice.

  5. Inability to accept what is, complaining and numbing out. Are you a complainer? Perfectionist? Consistently disappointed and dissatisfied? Chances are you might be a control freak and have much anger (see #1). If we are in a constant state of dissatisfaction, if we are constantly complaining, we are not accepting how things are, and authentic gratitude is out of reach. If we have voices telling ourselves we aren’t good enough, thin enough, smart enough, fast enough, successful enough, rich enough, kind enough, grateful enough and we just aren’t enough enough enough, chances are, we are not being authentic to who we really are.

    This kind of personal and life dissatisfaction often reveals itself in escapism, numbing out, avoidance-- we eat too much, drink too much, spend too much, we use substances, TV, our smart phones, sex, whatever to distract and avoid the raw and the real of who, what and where we really are. We then judge ourselves for these things we do and the negative cycle continues – more anger, more dissatisfaction, more resentment, more judgement. 

Authentic happiness and gratitude come with authentic acceptance. Knowing we cannot fix everything, do everything, be everything and being truly okay with all of it, including loss, grief, death, this perhaps is our toughest challenge, one that we work on daily. The closer we are to truly knowing ourselves, the better we get in finding the tools and modalities that help us achieve authenticity, acceptance, and true happiness.

Surrender into silence

Frederic Terral

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Yesterday, in the quiet stillness of early morning, I stood in the darkness before four lit candles and surrendered. I hunger for silence, the need to gaze inward and sit with an empty cup. Not knowing, not wanting, not fearing, not hoping, not fixing. Just being, listening, feeling. Surrender is not giving up, it’s about letting in and receiving the gifts we were born to receive. We can receive nothing as long as think we can control everything, as long as we think don’t have enough, or we’ve been cheated in some way. Surrender into silence, unlock, listen and receive. Forgiveness, compassion, gratitude are right there waiting to be let in.

AWAKE

Frederic Terral

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Gratitude is to...

Live in a way that nurtures the magic of any given moment.

Live in a way that calls attention to connection--to each other, to community.

Live in a way that offers to leave something or someone better than how they were found.

Live in a way that encourages compassion, not possession, or obsession, nor perfection or hate, or fear, power or control.

Live in a way that reminds you how lucky you are to wake up, to have friendships, to dance, to laugh, and cry, to hug, to eat cake or drink tea, to have a home or a job.

Live in a way that keeps you humble, forgiving, present, and awake.

CONFESSIONS & THREE TRUTHS

Frederic Terral

Confession. I don’t exercise regularly. I can curse like a truck driver. I don’t meditate, I hate to clean and I am not an inspired cook. I order Domino’s pizza, and I eat way too much chocolate every day. The truth is, I deplore the mask of perfection. DEPLORE it. Give me the real, beautifully messy and wild, out-of-the-box, spontaneous, passionately authentic person and I’ll show you someone who lives their truth, someone who’s a breath of fresh air. A person who’s not afraid to say “please forgive me but I can’t”, “I effed up”, “I don’t know”, and “I forgot”.

Truth #1: Gratitude becomes less and less effort when we are vulnerable and authentic about who we are, and accept who we are NOT.

Truth #2: Cultivating gratitude means forgiving ourselves and taking a hard look at the parts we ignore, hide, or deny, and the parts we aren't proud of. Knowing these parts can help us figure out who we want to become.

Truth #3: Living a grateful life becomes easier when judgement falls away, for ourselves and then for others. When this happens, we build resilience and soon DON'T CARE about being judged, and instead feel compassion and forgiveness for those who judge us.

 Life lessons come in small pieces, like bread crumbs spread over years, perhaps even lifetimes. Sometimes we have to relearn those pieces over and again. The bottom line is we seek truth, always. Truth in ourselves, truth in others, truth in purpose, truth in vision. When we find truth, gratitude is right there beside it, waiting to be snatched up. Always do your best, knowing that your best may never be perfect, and that's perfectly okay.

Sunflowers

Frederic Terral

Now, more than ever, we need to remember WHY we are grateful. It's almost too much to bear, the collective grief happening everywhere I look. Some days the sorrow is too deep to muster the energy to write a brand new gratitude. So I don't. I accept the state of where I am and instead, borrow a gratitude from last year. I grab a used Pockitude journal, open randomly and read. 

The memories and gratitudes collected in these journals reminds me that joy still sits with me, and can co-exist in consciousness with grief, and anger, the madness in this world. The act of taking the time to read and remember is a gratitude itself, and a form of self care. Today, I am grateful for the treasure trove of memories written permanently in these journals. August 2017: Blooming sunflowers in the community gardens. Why? Because I am reminded to turn my face to the sun and bloom. 

A gift for readers and followers, enjoy a 10% discount code at checkout with Promo code: SUNFLOWERS (expires first day of Spring March 20) --> www.pockitudes.com/shop/

Permission

Frederic Terral

You have permission. Permission to not get it right today. Permission to not be perfect. Permission to not have all the answers. Permission to grieve, for as long as you need. You have permission to accept your whole self, even the squishy, aging parts, the parts you have not forgiven, the parts you’re afraid to acknowledge or see. You have permission to do nothing for an entire day, without guilt, without feeling like you wasted time. 

Time, our most precious gift. Time wasted is the time spent not loving ourselves, or others. Time wasted is the time we don’t pause to be kind, gentle and patient. Time wasted is the time we become blind to the abundance and grace that weaves itself into the canvas of our every day. Time screams rarity from moment to moment, saying “PAY ATTENTION! Be here.” A shared smile, a ridiculous joke, your child’s laughter, a hug between friends, a donut with sprinkles, a kindness given. You have permission to see that wasted time lives in all the permissions not given, because somewhere we believe, mistakenly, that we have all the time in the world. We don’t. Take time while you still have it. Remember the gifts time gives. Take notice. The permission is yours.

Remember

Frederic Terral

Why write gratitudes? Isn’t just saying thank you enough or “I’m grateful” enough?

Yes. And no. How many times have the words been so automatic it’s lost its meaning? How many times have we said “Yes I’m grateful” in our minds, but the full feeling of gratitude didn’t quite make it to our heart, body and soul. When we truly understand the benefits of gratitude, when we capture a moment as the best thing ever, right here right now, you can feel it ripple through your body and electrify your bones. Gratitude can easily become automation, perhaps even a chore, perhaps even resented.

Without presence, without intention, “thank you” and gratefulness is just another “right” thing to do and feel. This is why we write it down. This is why we think about the gratitude, who and what, and the big one--”why?”. Why are we grateful? And when we know why, how can we make it happen again? Write your gratitudes down. Make it last. Remember. It can change your life.

Exhale and the Life Preserver.

Frederic Terral

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I stopped telling my kids that all I want for them is to be happy. Happy is great, happy has been the long held standard for a satisfactory life. As long as we are happy, all is well. I call BS on that. I’ve been happy plenty of times, and I love it when I’m happy, but happy is fleeting, and like most wonderful things, aren’t meant to last. I want to teach my kids what to do when happy isn’t available, when things just suck and we are trying to survive a mess of a day. What I tell them is Exhale, and Thank you.

There are all kinds of breathing techniques to help anxiety, or anger, but for me, it’s the exhale I long for. The extended, exaggerated, vocal exhale that releases me. We do it subconsciously with sighs, a semi-muted expression of discomfort. Forget the sighs. Bring on the guttural flow of carbon dioxide. Exhale the nasty, exhale the yuck, exhale the sad madness of it all. And then, and here’s where it really counts-- say “thank you”. Thank you sun, thank you breath, thank you end of the day, thank you pillow, thank you stars, thank you sunset. Thank you for life lived another day. Thank you for reminding me that if I can make it through days without happy, I can make it through anything. Gratitude is the life preserver that keeps us above the water, keeps us moving, just long enough until happy circles back around again.

The Secret To Staying Happy Is Getting Whatever Exposure To Nature You Can Get

Frederic Terral

A new study finds that even just seeing a tree or hearing a birdsong will up your state of mind.

Plenty of research shows that spending time in nature has powerful health benefits. For people working in cities, that’s not always possible, but there an approximate way to stay positive at least: New research shows that even if you’re trapped in an office or only able to step outside for a moment, small exposures to outdoorsy indicators–seeing trees, the sky, or hearing a birdsong–can boost your mood.

The effect doesn’t disappear once you’ve returned to a cloistered cubicle or apartment: It can last for several hours, with especially strong results for people who suffer from mental disorders.

READ MORE...

Progress with Cookies

Frederic Terral

How? How do you pause to be grateful when the indignation to just brood feels better? There’s no stifling to be done here. I’d rather scream until my lungs are inside out before finding something to be grateful for at this moment. I’d rather cry long heaves of breath and spittle before disengaging this powerful urge to plant these sorrows at my feet and wail.  But….I have been here before. I have indulged in each and every feeling that would cause me to turn a blind eye to the joys of anything. And each time, I am brought to an edge far worse from where I began. And so I ask again. How? How do I pause to be grateful when the indignation to brood feels better

Just one thing. One tiny thing, a memory, a joke, a convenience, a reason---one step in the direction opposite of the darkness where I’ve already been. This is gratitude. It doesn’t need to be grand. In fact, it doesn’t even need to be more than a word. Cookies. Cookies was my very first word in my Pockitudes journal. Why? Because they taste good, especially with lots of chocolate chips. When I eat cookies, I feel warm, resilient and comforted. This isn’t rocket science, this is progress.

Does ‘Counting Your Blessings’ Work?

Frederic Terral

To study the effect of the gratitude list, researchers have had to define gratitude and decide how to measure it. Some psychologists contend that gratitude has two emotional components: a “thank you” combined with a recognition that a benefit came from an outside source. This idea sits at the heart of the list’s place in 12-step programs. The list provides a daily structure to modify habits of thought over time, training participants to notice their positive accomplishments rather than dwelling on worries or resentments that might trigger self-destructive behavior.

Some studies suggest that a focus on gratitude improves the ability to assess life quality, the willingness to help others, and the quality of sleep and overall physical health. In a study among Israeli youth exposed to missile attacks, researchers go as far as proposing that gratitude increases resilience against PTSD. And in a quest to find a “gratitude mechanism,” the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley funded a multiyear grant program in 2011, along with a gratitude summit in 2014. Researchers have also attempted to pin down a genetic component—a sort of gratitude gene that could play a role in oxytocin processing.

But gratitude long predates social-scientific study of the concept. Benjamin Franklin, influenced by the Puritans and Quakers of Boston, expressed the essence of this can-do mode of character reformation by publishing daily logs of productivity and virtue. His schedule for writing and working started at 5 a.m., with the question, “What good shall I do this day?”

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GIVING WITH GRATITUDE: TEACHING YOUR KIDS TO GIVE

Frederic Terral

When working with families, parents regularly ask me how they can teach their children to willfully get rid of stuff. This is typically followed by guilty admissions of purging toys on the sly. Out of sight, out of mind – right? Don’t worry, no judgment– we’ve ALL been there!

If anyone tells you there is a quick fix to get your kid on the giving train, they are lying. Like everything else in our lives, it’s a process, but most definitely doable.

Need some help? Keep reading.

Science-Backed Reasons To Kick-Start (Or Restart) Your Gratitude Practice ASAP

Frederic Terral

In between the delicious food, family time, and travel plans, it's important to remember what Thanksgiving is really about: Gratitude. While we may have the best of intentions, sometimes the original spirit and intention of this beautiful day slips out of focus. Only 20 percent of Americans rate gratitude as a positive, constructive emotion. For context, that number is nearly 50 percent in Europe.

Sharing your gratitude isn't simply a nice thing to do. Practicing gratitude is one of the simplest things you can do to transform your life, and there’s no better time to start than this Thanksgiving. In case you need some extra motivation, here's a rundown of five scientifically-proven benefits of practicing gratitude.

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7 Surprising Health Benefits of Gratitude

Frederic Terral

Now is the season to think about what makes you most thankful, but research supports making it a year-round habit. Many studies have found there are benefits of gratitude — both mental and physical — and all it takes to enjoy them is a little bit of introspection. Research from Northeastern University has found that people who felt grateful for little, everyday things were more patient and better able to make sensible decisions, compared to those who didn’t feel very gracious on a day-to-day basis. When 105 undergraduate students were asked to choose between receiving a small amount of money immediately or a larger sum at some point in the future, for example, the students who had shown more gratitude in earlier experiments were able to hold out for more cash.

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The key to a happy life? Gratitude that goes beyond Thanksgiving

Frederic Terral

The importance of gratitude goes beyond a picture-perfect Thanksgiving tableau. Many experts believe that feeling grateful is also beneficial to your health. “Gratitude is good medicine,” says Robert A. Emmons, professor of psychology at UC Davis and founding editor in chief of the Journal of Positive Psychology. Studies show that practicing gratitude can be used to help lower blood pressure, stop smoking and reduce stress.

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